Nothing in my life has ever come easy. Since I can remember, there has always been a striving and a desire to find someone or something to fill a void in my life. I am not sure exactly where or when that void came into my life, but it was there and it made itself obvious. Anything I tried to accomplish in my life was met with resistance yet overcome with persistence. A void still remained.
Growing up, I felt safe in my home but I did not feel loved. There was often dissension and strife that took precedence over a peaceful and nurturing home life. I did my best to be a good daughter and focus on academics and staying out of trouble. I had little guidance on how to be a confident person and appreciate myself. No one in my family said, “I love you” or even showed affection towards one another. I knew I was loved, but I did not feel loved.
Throughout my adolescent years, I craved acceptance and sought it outside of my family circle of influence. Guys who did not value my worth- because I didn’t know my own- often took advantage of me. Relationship after heartbreaking relationship only deepened the void of my adolescent life. “Is this what LOVE looks like? Is this what LOVE feels like?”, I would question. It would be 4 tortuous years of living this way until I hit rock bottom.
The entrance of a healer.
I was 17 years old and in a dead-end relationship when Jesus found me. I wasn’t looking for Him, but He was ready to rescue me out of the pit of my despair. That feeling of striving to fill a void had gotten so heavy and I did not know what else to do. In ways that I can only explain as “God ordained”, I was introduced to a faith that would later prove to me that I am loved and I am valued.
On my knees at the altar of an Evangelical Christian church at the tender age of 17, I gave my life to a Savior I came to call Jesus. A simple prayer from a willing heart who knew that there had to be more to love than just pain and heartache, birthed a life of following after the One who was love and gave love in a way that was gentle and kind and forgiving and long lasting.
The past 25 years of being a Christian have shown me that true love never ends and it never fails. My hurting was met with my Healer. By faith and much prayer, Jesus slowly healed the brokenness of my heart. He healed those relationships that did not have His love and forgiveness. He slowly filled the void that plagued me for all of those years. Today, I am proof that Jesus not only loves but He also heals. He restores and He delivers. He continues His work in and through me even today.
God has given me a Christian husband, three children that desire to know their Jesus, and a heart that seeks after righteousness. I continue to walk in faith and let the Healer
“who began a good work in (me) carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”. Phil 1:6